“Only those who are asleep make no mistakes.” — Ingvar Kamprad

Wow. This month has been one for the ones. For the second month in a row I’ve managed to write these posts at the “last minute.”

Which is kind of funny considering three posts a month is a self imposed goal.

I’ve started multiple posts this month. More than two but less than a hundred.

I guess it’s actually only 15. Still… 15 unfinished posts. Gotta love those executive functions that need to function. But not at a junction. Or a conjunction. Just fucking function.

My reality continues to be somewhat slippery, and my immediate familial relationships are in a state of stress and agitation. I’ve just been living day to day. Making an effort to do little things that help me feel good. Or accomplished. Or pretty much anything that makes my dopamine slap.

I love dopamine. It’s so cool. I’d marry it if I could. I don’t think I can. Can I? I’m going to have to find out.

I’ve learned a whole bunch of stuff, and at this moment I’m reading “Crucial Conversations.” Because some of the conversations I’m going to have to have soon are going to be quite crucial. Quite challenging. Quite pivotal in the impact of some important relationships.

You never know what’s going to happen. I know this. I never know what’s going to happen. I can predict… and sometimes my predictions are just so wildly inaccurate that the story in my mind skews off the cliff of that slippery reality slope that is my life at the moment.

Earlier today I finished “The White Lotus” Season 2. I haven’t been watching as much TV as I have in the past, and this one grabbed my attention.

So much so that in the middle of S2 the metastory clicked, and I wrote a journal entry that was meant to be today’s entry.

It was not today’s post.

Because I’m having a friend over to play video games.

And that post is already up to 785 words and at least another hundred or two, maybe three, words to be written. Probably.

I never know til I know and I won’t know until it’s written.

It’s unknowable until it is.

The words that is.

Which… I’ve got fucking 15 in process posts I could have worked on too. I gotta stop shoulding all over myself is what my logical mind says.

I’m working on getting these ADHD symptoms managed. Which means figuring out how the fuck to get a routine and schedule and my entire fucking life setup to support me, my health, my family, and my success.

A doctor friend of mine once said to me, “Perfect health is just the optimal rate in which we’re dying.” I’m all about optimization. And automation. I kinda wanna automate the optimization. Then optimize the automations. Yeah. I Like that.

And now, even though I can write more. And I could write more. And I will write more.

I must wrap this up.