“The great danger in the beginning is the temptation to try to gain attention, to prove yourself before you are ready. Instead you must take a step back — your goal is to transform yourself into a consummate observer.” — Robert Greene
Life continues to become more and more interesting.
Some complicated familial issues have eased up slightly, yet still very much exist. But I mean, really, who doesn’t have some sort of familial issue.
Whether intentional or not. Pattern imprinting is a thing we can’t avoid.
Which is actually a good thing even if we don’t like it. Pretty sure its what enables our species to make progress. Whatever that progress, or is supposed to be. 🤷
And yet, I am still feeling a sense of anxiety. A sense of discontent. A sense of anger.
The anxieties are very much driving me toward figuring out how to work with folks to build a system that better supports people. And, more selfishly, me.
The fury I’m feeling is less directed at anyone in particular, and more at the systems that just keep failing me. Hurting me. Repeatedly destroying my morale.
I can be patient. Sometimes. Our systems are going to change whether we like it or not. It will be more fun, and productive, to help build something better. Something that I actually have a fucking stake in instead of a high-frequency trading algorithm. 😡
As I’ve aged, and my passion became more of my work, I’ve lost more and more interest in what I’m alright at. Which is tech. And, when you’re in tech, and you lose interest, and you become complacent, and you fall behind…
Well…
In this day and age, you lose your job.
And you definitely don’t receive any long-term support if you no longer meet the expectations of the role that you are acting in.
Pretty sure most people forget that they’re just acting out. We’re actors. And we’re contextually aware actors, so we can play many roles simultaneously. Even within the same place.
When you think about yourself like that, it’s kind of weird. It’s like… as I learn more about how “people” work, I’m learning more about how I work. Which can be somewhat comforting, and yet discomforting. I’m just an actor. Filling a role. And roles can, and will, change. Only always.
As I’ve been making an effort to figure out how to find the relationships, and subject matter experts, to help build provide.io. I recently, randomly, attended a Co-Intelligence Institute meetup… and met two different folks that are so interested in what I’ve been thinking about that they’ve made their careers out of it.
This is absolutely fantastic! For years I’ve been trying to figure out what the fuck I’ve been thinking about. I dropped out of high school. I had no fucking clue what “psychosocial” meant. “Organizational Design,” nope. “Systems Thinking,” no way.
Which, of course, I haven’t. My career, and passions have been strictly tech, and figuring out how to build something that I knew other people have been thinking about, but didn’t have the words to really hone in on what kind of subject matter experts are required to make the complex system I’ve been thinking about.
This is a good thing.
The anxiety I’m working through at the moment…
Less good.
Also, I have made fun of the word synthesize because of it’s overuse in the business context. I’ve learned that it actually has a use beyond failed attempts at facilitating cross-organizational operational excellence.
I think “synthesize” is an accurate word in that context.
Shit like that makes me glad I didn’t go to college.
Also, happy birthday, girlfriend. I love, and appreciate, you.