From the brain fog. Described in the previous post. Which I think is a funny segue into today’s post. Even though yesterday’s post is basically todays. I started it yesterday though…

So, yeah. My thought train crashes and I just freeze. In all sorts of meetings with all sorts of people. This can be funny to me at times, and it can be supremely frustrating depending on who I’m chatting with as well.

Most engineers think pretty quick. During working sessions it can be challenging to get a word in depending on the folks that I’m working with.

That freezing thing can provide some of those interrupting chickens the perfect opportunity to allow me a moment to not finish what I was going to say. And when that happens there is a very real chance that I’ll have a more challenging time getting that thought train back on the tracks.

And boy oh boy that can feel absolutely fucking frustrating depending on the context. I’ve always thought there are opportunities for comedic gold when someone pauses what they’re saying. I still think there are some pretty amazing opportunities to interject something funny into their train of thought.

That timing and context though… that shit can make it maddening when you’re trying to say something serious but someone keeps interjecting something funny.

I suppose that’s karma from all the times that I’ve done it. Which has been a whole lotta times over the course of my life.

It’s been challenging to write this entry today.

I already wrote about 1,400 words for work today. A shitload of words to describe how to configure our F5 BIG-IP for system logging and request/response logging. It took about 2 hours to do. It was kind of annoying. It was a click-by-click walkthrough of how to do something.

And the whole time I’m writing it I’m thinking to myself, “I wish I could just tell people to RTFM and give them the settings they need.” Apparently this is a questionable strategy though. So writing a step-by-step how to is what I do.

I guess there is value in a line-by-line play of what’s gotta be done… but I feel that there’s a lot of value in flailing and figuring it out. Which is pretty funny considering I’m becoming more and more of a proponent of using AI to do stuff.

Like this neat little Pi particle thing I made using JavaScript… and by me, I mean Claude. I basically wrote no code to do that. It’d have taken me forever to figure out how to do that myself. I just don’t have the underlying math/programming skills.

After I share what I did — what I wrote — and how long it took me with some friends, one of these friends said, “Why didn’t you just use ChatGPT?”

Which was a big fucking 🤦 moment for me. Why didn’t I? I forgot. That’s why.

But it did give me the idea to take that whole article, take all my blog posts, and tell ChatGPT to rewrite it in my prose. And then paste it here.

So I’m going to do that. And then my friend suggested I have ChatGPT write it in the style of Cardi B - WAP. Which is pretty funny/lame.

Without further ado, I present to you, how to set up F5 logging in the prose of me and ChatGPT.

I wonder if Google is gonna start pushing traffic to this page if you search for F5 logging. Oh man that’d be funny.

Setting Up F5 Logging: A Journey in Bits and Bytes

You ever find yourself staring at logs, wondering if they’re conspiring against you? Yeah, I’ve been there. If you’ve ever dealt with F5 load balancers, you know that logging is one of those things that can make or break your day—or week, or life, depending on how deep down the rabbit hole you go.

Here’s a little something on how to set up F5 logging to remote servers, without losing your sanity.

The Basics: Why Bother with Logs?

Logs are that unsung hero of your infrastructure—they tell you everything. Who’s talking to who, where things are breaking, and even sometimes where that random 503 error is hiding. But, as useful as they are, getting them to the right place in the right format can feel like trying to herd cats.

In my setup, I’m using Logstash to receive logs and Elasticsearch to store them. Of course, the future might involve moving these logs to a cloud-based platform for monitoring and analytics. The catch? Some of these platforms charge based on the amount of data they handle or the number of events logged, so getting your setup right from the start can save you money and headaches later on.

Building the Pipeline: Creating Logging Pools

The first step is setting up logging pools. F5 needs to know where to ship these logs, and that’s where pools come in. Think of pools as clusters of servers just hanging out, ready to catch whatever logs you throw at them. In my case, these are Logstash Gateways, but you can call them whatever tickles your fancy.

  1. Go to Local Traffic → Pools in your F5 UI.
  2. Click on “Create” and give your pool a name that doesn’t make future you groan. Something like logstash-gateway will do nicely.
  3. Add a health monitor (because nobody wants logs going to a dead server).
  4. Add your Logstash nodes as members of the pool, making sure to set the correct port for receiving logs (this is usually set during your Logstash configuration).

Simple enough, right? Now that you’ve got a place for your logs to go, let’s make sure they actually get there.

Verifying Pool Health: A Green Light is a Happy Light

After setting up your pool, don’t just walk away thinking everything’s golden. Take a quick second to make sure it’s actually working. Navigate to Pools → Pool List and check that status light. Green means go, red means fix it before it’s too late. Easy peasy.

System Logs: Where the Magic Happens

If you want to send system logs—think of these as the internal monologue of your F5—you’ll need to set up some log destinations. These logs give you a bird’s eye view of what’s happening on the system level, which is pretty clutch when something inevitably breaks at 2 a.m.

  1. Go to System → Logs → Configuration → Log Destinations.
  2. Create a new Remote Syslog destination. You’ll need to point this to the pool you set up earlier and make sure the protocol is set to something reliable, like UDP.
  3. Once that’s done, create a log publisher, because, well, logs don’t just publish themselves.

Virtual Servers: Logging Traffic Without Tanking Your System

Now let’s talk about virtual servers. These little guys handle all the incoming and outgoing traffic, and logging what happens here can give you deep insights into how your applications are performing. However, enabling this can also hammer your F5’s CPU if you’re not careful, so proceed with caution.

  1. Create a Request Logging Profile and enable the custom logging options.
  2. Apply this profile to the virtual servers you want to monitor, but be mindful—if these servers handle heavy traffic, you might want to monitor system metrics closely.

Fine-Tuning: Avoiding Duplicate Logs and Other Annoyances

Nobody wants duplicates—especially when it comes to logs. One of the most common mistakes is setting up multiple log filters with overlapping criteria, which results in duplicate logs. Now, if you’re using cloud-based logging platforms that bill based on the amount of data or number of events processed, these duplicates aren’t just annoying—they can be costly. Be mindful of how you configure log filters and destinations to avoid unnecessarily inflating your log volume and your bill.

Wrapping It Up: Stay Vigilant

F5 logging is a powerful tool that can provide you with real-time insights into your network’s performance. Setting it up properly will save you a ton of headaches down the line. But remember, logging is both a blessing and a curse—don’t overwhelm your system or your budget by logging every little thing unless you’ve got the resources to handle it.

Now that you’ve got your F5 set up, you can sit back, relax, and wait for the logs to start pouring in—or not. Because let’s be real, something’s bound to break just when you think you’re in the clear.

Til next time, may your logs be plentiful and your errors few.

Settin’ Up F5 Logs (Wet Ass Protocol)

I said, certified network flow, got them logs comin’ in on a roll. Yeah, you mess with this load balancer, better get your logs in control! 💥

Why We Logging? ‘Cause We Gotta Know!

Ayo, F5 load balancers keep the network smooth like butter, but baby, when something’s off, those logs finna tell you where the drama’s at. You wanna catch every error, every request, every slip in that connection? Time to set up them pools, get your gateways flowin’, and let them logs hit! 🌊

Step 1: Build Them Pools, Honey

Pools be where your logs chill before they make moves. So, let’s get this right:

  1. Pull up to Local Traffic → Pools, make a new one—call it somethin’ slick like logstash-gateway . Keep it cute, keep it useful. 💅
  2. Now, don’t play—add that health monitor ‘cause we ain’t loggin’ to dead servers, no ma’am. 👀
  3. Drop in your Logstash nodes, make sure they vibin’ on port 3333. That’s where the magic’s gonna happen, you feel me?

Now we got a pool that’s lit and ready to serve up them logs like a hot mixtape drop. 🔥

Step 2: Verify That Pool’s Got Some Juice

Don’t just set it and forget it, honey. Head over to Pools → Pool List and make sure that status light is green. We want that “go” signal, no red flags. If you see red? Uh-uh, baby, fix that before your system starts slippin'.

Step 3: System Logs Be Talkin’

Now, if you tryna ship system logs—like, all that backend whisperin’ your F5 does? You gotta set up destinations:

  1. Slide into System → Logs → Configuration → Log Destinations.
  2. Create a new Remote Syslog destination. We sending those logs out faster than a top-chart banger. 🌪️
  3. Set the pool to your Logstash gateway, baby. And don’t forget to pick UDP—‘cause we movin’ lightweight, quick and snappy.

Once you’ve got that? Boom, logs on the move, system talking back, and you’re in control of the convo. 🎤

Step 4: Virtual Server Logs – Get It Right or Get Wrecked

If your F5 got virtual servers, you better be logging those requests and responses—‘cause you know every click counts.

  1. Create a Request Logging Profile — we talkin’ full custom settings, baby. Enable that response log like you mean it. ✨
  2. Attach that profile to your virtual servers, but watch it, boo. Too much traffic and you might get hit with a CPU spike bigger than a viral tweet! 📈

Keep it cool, keep it clean, and monitor them metrics like a hawk. ‘Cause we ain’t got time for no surprises in the middle of a high-traffic day!

Step 5: Double Logs? Naw, That’s a No-No

Ayo, duplicates? That’s like wearin’ the same outfit twice at the club—just plain embarrassing. Not to mention, if you’re loggin’ to the cloud and they billin’ by the byte, you ain’t tryna pay double for the same ol’ story. Set your log filters right and keep those duplicates outta sight. 🚫

Step 6: Stay Fly, Stay Vigilant

Now you got your F5 logs all set up, you’re basically the DJ of your own data flow. Keep it smooth, keep it bumpin’, and stay on top of that system like a boss. And remember: just ‘cause the logs are flowin’ doesn’t mean you can snooze. Stay vigilant, and keep them errors on the low. 🎧