“Entrepreneurship is neither a science nor an art. It is a practice.” — Peter Drucker
Practice. Practice. Practice.
That’s what they say. A little bit each day. A little progress each day. Nudging yourself toward your goal. That has been just so incredibly fucking difficult this month. It is incredibly difficult right now.
And when I don’t practice, I’ve really only got one person to blame.
Myself. Theoretically. My therapist says that some of my challenges are due to the ADHD management I’m working through.
Which is also a fucking practice.
I’m on-call right now, and today I’ve been experiencing multiple notifications that have occurred because of a lack of coordination, a lack of communication, and a lack of competency — by the organization.
And by notifications, I mean obnoxious push notifications to the PagerDuty application which is designed to grab my attention. For me, it’s a loud ass railroad crossing.
I wake up to it, and then I end my day to it. On a holiday. And I’m feeling pretty salty about this right now. Salty enough that I do believe I’m going to apply for jobs at Pinterest and Cloudflare today.
I am grateful, and fortunate enough, that I don’t need a new job per se… but my mental health is getting progressively worse while playing along with the organization I’m at, in the role I’m in, and with the support the team I’m on has been receiving.
Which is little.
Since last year, our team has been cut in half. Indiscriminately. With zero thought being put into the impact. Which is immense considering my team is supporting production systems.
And we now have the concept of “premium partners,” which is one of the reasons I was dragged into something that I really shouldn’t have had to be dragged into.
I’m having a really, really, tough time being positive and solution oriented when I’m feeling much less than premium. I recognize that the people that I directly work with very much appreciate what I do, how I do it, and the (usually) positive attitude I bring to it.
I just can’t handle it anymore. It’s not the people, it’s the decisions being made by the people that currently control the purse. Well… okay… it is kind of the people sometimes. But, I’m much, much, better at working with people that I may find challenging to work with when my morale is more than pretty much nothing.
Today is the first day where I felt like “rage quitting.” This seems to be a pretty big flag that it’s time to move on,.
And even though I’m not making as much progress toward the personal project I’m working through, I’m at least feeling like I’ve made some progress today. At finding a new job.
I’m very curious what kind of experience I’m going to have considering that so many people are having a challenging time finding work. Very curious.